The Laundry RP (Entry #2)

So to get the new players into a basic understanding of how the laundry operates, I sent them to a basic training mission in Dunwich (one of the generic missions described in the book). We also had another two members of the group join the form of Ernie Nybble and Penelope Tittington… both of whom are certainly ‘characters’.

The story begins as the four Laundry operatives joined together at the carillon secret base. Both Bruce and Robert were surprised to see two new members for their team: Ernie Nybble: a depressed, anally retentive nerd and Penelope Tittington, a brunette bombshell of a woman, trained in subtle stealth and subterfuge.

Reginald was delighted to tell the four operatives that they would not be hanging around the facility for too long. It was time for the groups basic training in “sunny” Dunwich, a secret village somewhere on the coast of Norfolk. Soon the group were on a small plane and travelling towards their destination.

Upon landing, the team were greeted by a grumpy looking man with unnaturally bulbous eyes and pallid skin. He took them to a dirty-looking minibus and they all got in.

Inside the minibus, the group met a man called Bernie Goldfield. He was a rather sickly looking man, and was very jumpy when they tried to talk to him. Goldfield told them about how he was drafted into the Laundry and that he had no idea what was in store for all of them. Bruce attempted to pick-pocket Bernie, but failed… Bernie thought he was trying to touch him up.

Eventually the group came to a dull-looking quay. They hopped aboard a small motorboat that smelt of fish and then set off for the town of Dunwich. They group noticed a bunch of destroyed houses sunken under the water below… and upon closer inspection they noticed large, dark things moving around between the buildings too.

Eventually they came across the village of Dunwich, it was a miserable place with a series of ramshackle cottages, concrete administration buildings and a large white church-like structure. The team disembarked the boat and went on a tour with Leah Poisson, a Laundry HR Officer. She explained to the group how the Laundry operated and gave them a stack of paperwork to complete before dinner.

Dinner was okay… a watery fish soup. The group swallowed down what they could and then walked over to the pub. Whilst on their walk, Bruce decided to tail Bernie Goldfield, but was noticed – by this point Bernie was convinced that Bruce was stalking him for some sick reason.

At the pub, the group were introduced to Sergeant Laine, the man who would be training them over the next few days. He said hello, but was far too busy watching the football on the TV. Ernie Nybble attempted to tune the TV slightly in order to make the reception better… but ended up breaking the TV set completely. The group were thrown out by the barman and asked not to come back for the rest of the night.

After a night of awkward sleep the group went to their first lecture with Dr. Meredith Holmes. She was clearly not in the mood for any of the group’s nonsense as she explained the methods behind summoning monsters from other universes. Meredith set up a summoning circle in the centre of the room and summoned a creature from another world, warning the group that it could easily possess any one of them if they were not wearing magical wards.

After the lecture had ended the group moved to the firing range to practice firearms in the form of glock pistols. Sergeant Laine was not impressed by their skills and as such he made them run across the town and up to a nearby cliff.

Poor Ernie ended up falling over on the run and he broke his leg. He was wheeled off to hospital by staff as the rest of the group continued to run on.

Bruce noticed a shiny thing in the bushes, so he walked over to investigate. To his horror he found a dead body in the bushes. He picked up the body and carried it over to his teammates. Penelope did what she did best and expertly searched the body: she found I.D. and two mobile phones. The group also noticed he had died from a heart attack induced by some form of magic.

Smedley picked up one of the phones and rang the number pre-programmed on it. It turned out that the dead man was a Laundry agent charged with tracking down an assassin from the Esoteric Order of Dagon – a secret cult that worships an old creature from beneath the seas. The man on the other end of the phone tasked the team with a mission: find the cultist and stop them before he/she can kill them!

They knew only one thing more: the assassin was probably one of the staff members working in Dunwich.

The group decided to keep the body hidden from Sergeant Laine and continue on as if nothing had happened. After the run they visited Ernie in the infirmary to alert him to the danger he could face, Bruce picked Ernie up and took him out of the building with them.

Robert and Penelope broke into Laine’s room and searched it for offending items. After checking a set of drawers, Robert cut himself on a strange-looking knife in the set of drawers. The two were convinced this was a sacrificial knife, and then kept it just to be safe.

Meanwhile, Bruce and Ernie managed to unlock the door to Miss. Poisson’s room, in which they found a huge amount of cosmetics and papers informing them that she may in fact be turning into a monstrous fish-woman!

That night the group met back up and told Bernie Goldfield about what they had found, he agreed that they should keep a close eye on Laine, as there was clearly something fishy about him.

The next morning the group had another lecture with Dr. Holmes, during which a thaumometer (a machine that measures magical energy) went off in an unnatural way. The group were unsure as to what this meant, but for some reason Bruce punched Bernie in the face anyway. Bernie called Bruce a madman and sat in the corner crying.

Sergeant Laine walked in and saw the scene in front of him. Angered by the violent behavior  he ordered all of the group to come with him for ‘evasion’ training. The operatives followed Laine to a nearby beach, Ernie stayed behind due to his broken leg.


Laine pulled out a paintball gun and told the group that they had to reach him on the other end of the beach in order to complete this test successfully. If they got hit by a paintball they instantly failed.

Of course Bernie ended up getting shot in the arse and he fell over pathetically in the sand – getting a mouthful of it. He shrugged and wandered off back to the village. The rest of the group continued to dodge their way between rocks on the beach towards Laine.

Meanwhile, Ernie Nybble rested in his hospital bed. His eyes closed as he drifted closer and closer to sleep. He snapped back awake as he heard a set of footsteps entering the room. It was Bernie Goldfield, and he was holding a large sacrificial knife.

Ernie flopped out of the bed and clambered of the window, narrowly missing the slashing of the knife. He waddled into the fields and towards the beach where his friends were… falling into a ditch to avoid the sight of his knife-wielding pursuer.

Back at the beach Dr. Smedley managed to reach the Sergeant. The rest of the group unfortunately were peppered with paintball marks. Laine congratulated him and patted him on the back.

It was at this point that Ernie appeared over the salt-flats, waving his arms in panic. “I am being attacked!” he said in his nasally voice.

Smedley used this moment to confront Laine about the knife he had found in his room. Laine was livid that the group hadn’t told him about the possibility of an assassin… not to mention the breaking-and-entering. Penelope calmed him down and managed to seduce him… for some reason.

The group searched for Bernie but couldn’t find him anywhere in the village. Penelope and Laine shared a passionate moment  together in his room (…her stamina was quite legendary). Upon leaving his room, the two found poor Miss Poisson dead in her room, her throat had been slit.

It was at this moment that a loud crackling sound echoed across the whole village. A green light emanated from the Order Hall (the white building) and it proceeded to flow out and into houses nearby.

Bruce and Ernie were shocked to see the possessed body of the barman from the pub wandering around the streets, the green light was clearly a summoning gone wrong! Bruce threw a rock at the barman and knocked him off his feet, buying them a few minutes of time.

The group met back up and headed to the nearby armoury to get pistols, Sergeant Laine made a call out to Laundry HQ in order to bring in back-up. They then ran back to the Order Hall and attempted to get in through the door, but it was magically warded. Smedley broke in through a window, and the rest of the group followed (Bruce carried Ernie through the window easily).

Bernie Goldfield stood above the unconscious body of Dr. Holmes, he was chanting in tongues and lifting a knife above his head. Robert, Bruce and Penelope drew their pistols and took shots at him, stopping him dead in his tracks before he could kill anyone… sadly Bruce ended up with a nasty knife wound to his torso.

Meanwhile the possessed villagers congregated around the building, knocking on the windows and doors. The moaned loudly as the group looked around for a solution to the mess they were in.

Ernie hobbled over to a computer and attempted to re-program the system to stop the summoning circle, but unfortunately he made things worse – amplifying the signal to anger the villagers even more. Robert managed to rip apart the wires supplying power to the circle, stopping it from summoning more extraordinary phenomena.

Unfortunately the possessed villagers did not stop their attack and continued to smash through the windows. The group backed up towards the door as they waited for their much needed Laundry assistance. Their pistols did wonders to stop most of the villagers who came to attack them, but a rather bulky man burst in through a window and charged at them in a furious rage.

Ernie managed to put up a defensive forcefield at the very last second, stopping the man from crushing Penelope into a wall. The man slammed his fists against the barrier in a feral manner as it slowly weakened. Smedley looked up and aimed his gun at the chandelier above the man, he waited for the moment the barrier fell and then managed to drop the chandelier on him!

Bruce managed to overhear the sound of a helicopter over the deafening moaning from outside the building. The group heard the sound of gunfire and the moaning slowly became quieter.

The fallen chandelier had set fire to a nearby curtain and quickly the building’s more flammable artefacts ignited fiercely, the operatives needed to get out before they were cooked alive.

Ernie managed to unlock the door by removing the ward on the handle using the computer. The four people burst out of the Order Hall and into the bleak Dunwich air. Above them a helicopter hung in the air, inside they could see several black-suited soldiers with large rifles in their hands. A man in a suit walked up to them and debriefed them on the situation, he wasn’t impressed with the mess that had been caused – a lot of paperwork would have to be filled out because of this mess.

Next time the group will be heading to Wales! There’s been an incident with a flock of sheep and an invisible monster.

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